Honey Badger Just Dont Care

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Archive for the category “Irreverance”

ODNT Contest

I have been neglecting my blog of late but managed to find a little bit of time to crank out an entry for a contest.

For more info, go here!

http://olddognewtits.com/2012/06/15/jud-bill-are-hosting-a-contest-with-a-prize/

I was inspired by this photo that circulated the interweb this week, and even though “its a drone”, it gave me a good idea!

With this, I present “Bill and Jud, the day after”

 

August 1st, 2011

 

Bill,

Had the weirdest dream last night and you were in it! I dreamt Buddy and I were driving home from the ball game, and as we passed over the Tappan Zee Bridge, we saw this light up in the sky. It was just kind of hovering and flashing all these different colored lights. We drove further up the Palisades, we could see it in the distance, getting larger as we got closer. When we got to around Bear Mountain, it was like it was hovering over that way. We drove through the woods and parked so we could walk over by the lake. Sure enough, there it was! Weird. It was kind of round, had lights around it, and was probably hovering about 20 feet off the ground. It had like a spot light and it was crossing the ground, like it was looking for something. So Buddy and I were looking at this, then all of a sudden, the spot light turns on us, and BAM! I went blind, got really stiff, and felt like I was being floated towards the ship! When I got my eye sight back, it was as if I fell asleep and woke up. I was naked in this room and laying on a table of some sort.   I turned my head and you were there on the next table and you had this look of horror on your face. I was wondering where Jean was. With that, I did that fuzzy fall asleep thing again, and woke up in bed. Buddy must have given me some strong stuff, stronger than the stuff I grew in the back yard that time, because I don’t even remember him dropping me off after the game and me going to bed. I have to say though, you looked good. The 16 pounds makes a difference.

 

Anyway, Mrs. J is coming by later….I’m going to ask her if she thinks using Ahtanum hops instead of Fuggle would make the home brew taste better. Going to give it a try tomorrow.

 

Jud

 

August 2nd, 2011

 

Jud,

Wow, I had the same dream. I tried the stuff I grew and there must be something wrong. I knew I was going to have trouble growing here. I suppose it is the lack of rain. I guess if you like weird trips it is good, but a little too much for me.

Jean found this weird scar on my arm today. I don’t remember doing anything to myself. Maybe when the guy sat on me at the game, he scratched me and I didn’t know, and it swelled up today.

 

Where did you decide to brew? I still say go for the pool.

 

Bill

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Trifextra Entry

and I may be too late to enter but what the heck! I’ll try!

This weekend’s challenge…

Rules: All entries must total exactly 33 words and they must include the word ‘Lost’ in the title but not in the story itself.

So heres mine….

LOST

Plane crash, an island, a smoke monster, “others”, a hatch, a computer, a really big wheel, getting off the island, “WE HAVE TO GO BACK!”

Now you’re caught up and don’t need Netflix!

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/

Trifextra Entry…I am sure people are looking at me funny

Well, I am going to try the Trifecta/Trifextra 33 word challenge again. This time, I must use a justified exclamation point in my writing.

Here’s my entry!

Stumbling in the dark at 2:00am, I find what I need, unwrap it, and place in the appropriate position.

Note to self: make sure the pad is sticky side down before re-underwearing.

OUCH!

I think that’s a justified exclamation point…

Here is a link to the contest – you can vote there!

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/

Awww – My 1st Science Fair Project as a Parent. “Science Geek Alert”!!!

I am very much the exception to the rule that I am VERY much looking forward to working on this Science Fair Project with my 5 year old. It is not mandatory for kids in grades K-4, but being the Math, Science and Technology (MST) Educator Geek that I am, we will OF COURSE do it!

Alright, going to get on my soapbox here for a bit. It appears that my son and I will be only one of a handful of kids doing this – because it is not mandatory. This makes me very sad because, yes, it is a bit or work to do everything, but is it a great and fun activity to do with your kid(s). I dont look at is as a chore, but as a cool bonding experience. I at one time worked in a different school in my school district, and there was a very good parent/school connection and even though the fair was optional for the lower grades, there was a GREAT turnout among all the grades. Not so much in the school Seoul Man is in. Sure, people work. I do too. Sure, there are extra curricular activities. We have “Horse School” and Karate. I guess its just not important to others as it is to me. OK. Off my soap box.

So, being the Science Geek I am, I IMMEDIATELY thought of a great experiment to do. I will bet my last nickel that our Science Project will be the ONLY project (past, present and probably future) to use a goat as a test subject.

“BARN YARD BRAINS: WHO IS THE SMARTEST?”

Now, this is a project that will be done by a 5 year old Kindergarten kid, so of course it will be simplistic in nature.

Of the “Animal Friends” we live with, we are going to test who is the smartest by means of 4 task completions and the amount of time it takes each one to complete.

The Test Subjects:

   
 

SEOUL MAN’S Hypothesis:

“Indy is the smartest because he is the oldest, and the older you are, the more time you have had to learn lots of things.”

OK – He didnt come with this on his own. I will admit that. He DID say “Indy is the smartest” but for the following reasons:

“He eats hay”

“He rolls in mud”

Sorry – I had to do some guiding….BUT…he did not believe he was smartest because he is “The Biggest” or because “He is a boy”…options I left open for him.

The TASKS:

EASY TASK: Place carrots inside a bucket
MORE DIFFICULT TASK: Place bucket OVER carrots
HARDER TASK: Place carrots in a visible container with a hole it in, large enough for carrots to be released when container is moved
HARDEST TASK: Place carrots in a darkened container with a hole in it, but carrots are not visible

Here is how the first task is supposed to be completed:

Here are the goats completing the first task:

This was done yesterday. I think they are still trying to get the carrots out of the bucket. So far, Seoul Man’s hypothesis is correct…..

For results to not be biased, as the goats did not seem interested in the carrots (WHICH THEY STEAL OUT OF THE BUCKET FROM THE HORSE ON A REGULAR BASIS) I will redo this with food I know they will be more interested in. I need to go pick up Skittles or Sweet Tarts.

The dogs didnt fair much better either….

We will be conducting more test sessions this afternoon….

New Ground Hog’s Day Tradition? God, I hope not!

OK, I actually have to say I am in pretty rough shape at the moment, with lots o’ advil not cutting it, and my body is vacillating between sweats and chills which is often a sign that my body is fighting off a potential cellultis infection (http://www.medicinenet.com/cellulitis/article.htm), compliments of my spastic ordeal this morning. But I gottta tell ya, from the view of an outside observer, it was probably pretty freakin’ hilarious, so I will share it all with you. It’s just so typical……..of me….

First off let me say that I NEVER used, nor have EVER needed an alarm clock. I HATE being jarred out of a deep sleep, and as a result of that, I have conditioned my body to wake about 30 to 60 minutes before a supposed wake up time.

Second, I have a ridiculous reflex action. Some folks (like my husband) call it being “Jumpy”….I call it being in complete awareness of my surroundings, regardless if things exist or not. BENEFIT: being able to catch a glass container of pickles while my foot is holding the door open, my right hand is holding an item and is simultaneously rummaging through the top level shelf,  and my left leg is stopping the dog from putting his head in the crisper. NEGATIVE: I jump at things all the time, regardless of if they exist or not. Think: a horse dumping a rider on the ground because a butterfly, or a plastic bag, or dandelion fluff pollen just flew through the air.

Third, I am prone to night terrors, especially when you combine being jarred out of  bed with ridiculous reflexes.

I think I just set a nice stage.

So this morning, I OVERSLEPT. I NEVER oversleep. I think I can count the 3 times and circumstances I have overslept in my life. I DID do my wake up about an hour before the expected wake up, and had put the TV on, my usual instrument of ensuring I dont fall back into a deep sleep. When I hear The Today Show theme, its time to be coherent. Well, I fell into a deep sleep again and just completely phased out the wake up song.

Apparently, my husband opened the bedroom door and quietly called my name. Being out like a light, I was dreaming that someone was nicely calling my name. I’m at the beach. Why would someone be calling my name? There’s no one here!

THEN, my lovely child and his face kissing dog friend ran up the stairs, BOLTED  through the door, and jumped onto the bed.

Trigger reflex action and night terror.

At this point I was in that confused haze, where I was no longer in a deep sleep, but no where near being completely awake. I remember SCREAMING, then hearing the screaming from my husband yelling at the dog and child to get off the bed and go downstairs, then the screaming from the child who was all “what the heck is going on” then the whining/howling of the dog who must be thinking that this is somehow a party time.

So now with the screaming added to my haze, I initiate my reflex protocol – run and get as far away from this as possible.

But I cant. I am entangled in some sort of restrictive material that is inhibiting me  from leaving. I start flailing my arms back and forth across my body and realize it is causing the material to loosen it’s grip, but I overcompensate and manage to FLING myself off the side of the bed. (FYI, in case you didnt figure it out. Restrictive material = sheets and blanket. So dangerous.)

I managed to somehow come down hard on the corner of the small loveseat, over sized chair that I pulled up to the side of the bed to help the Old Dog jump up. I took the cushion off to make the “platform” more stable for Old Dog, as cushions make him unsteady, but this leaves the wood frame, which I managed to strategically hit every area of scar tissue and surgical/radiation area that has never been the same since being operated and radiated on 22 years ago. The same area, that when hit in a trauma type situation, routinely triggers….a cellulitis attack.

To compound the issue, there is only about 18 inches….2 feet MAX between the bed and the chair, so I got wedged and couldnt get out. The night stand then creates an enclosure that makes it impossible to move.

By this time, the husband had removed the child and the dog from the room, but I was still in this dream haze and didnt fully awake until after my screaming from being wedged actually woke me permanently.

So banged and bruised, my husband had to pull me out of the wedge then he bolted out of the house because he was now late for work.

Soooo….I pose the question….

“If the ground hog sees his shadow, it means that there will be another 6 weeks of winter”…..what does it mean when clutzy, spastic, one day off of 39 year old woman does the above?

What happens?

And no – I didnt see my shadow…

Well, if you will excuse me now, I am going to go lay on my side for a few hours, alternate between heat and ice, and maybe even take a nap….

Honey Badger says “HEY SMOKERS!”

OK, I am sure I am going to piss a few people off with this post, but as a card carrying member of the Cancer club, and my cancer was not directly a result of something I did, but I have to give smokers these tips to help them realize how vile the habit is, how bad it is for your health, and most importantly, how what you are doing CAN cause cancer and you DO NOT want to go through what I went though (and continue to go through), especially if it is something you can prevent from happening.

You know its time to quit smoking if:

1) You are in a store and you leave an isle to go to another one, but the stench smell lingers where you just were. NOTE: Smell is worse in the winter and/or when it is raining or snowing.

2) You are a salesperson and the customer (me) has to walk away because your teeth are yellow and your breath smells like an ash tray

3) Its any combination of: sub zero, desert hot, gale force winds, torrential rain, blinding snow, locust invasion – and you are outside smoking a butt

4) You look at your fingers and they and your nails are a brownish yellow

5) You require Oxygen therapy and have home oxygen tank delivery

So as a member of the cancer card carrying club, aside from, you know, self cancerization, please read 1-5? Most likely the world is a better place with than without you.

Funny Pictures That Make Me Laugh

OK

I need levity after enduring a “nails on blackboard” experience at Chilis with my husband and 5 year old: a trashy girl (She was woman age, but so trashy I cannot put her in the same category of a woman like me) dropping the F bomb every 5 seconds throughout every conversation. Of course, she was sitting behind us with her “I pick things up and put them down” boyfriend person. Needless to say when I got up to leave I just stood there and stared at her while my son took his time putting his coat on, and she wouldnt make eye contact. Yup, I’d avoid me too. So anyway, STAY CLASSY LONG ISLAND!

So without further ado, pictures that make me laugh:

THAT will explain why my goat disappears every Friday night and is hung over all day on Saturday…

EPIC

#GEEKSUNITE

Works for me! I’m a 30 second kinda gal

So remember, if you ask one why they crossed the road, expect a not so nice response

I am SUCH a GIANT PANSY!!!

I can pretty much deal with anything that is thrown at me, but there is one thing that just instills terror deep into my being, and I am experiencing this right now:

SLEEPING IN MY HOME BY MYSELF!!!

I know, I know….I’m a grown woman, I have a child, I have 2 gigantic and scary looking dogs (both of whom I believe would not be happy if something happens to me or someone does something to me), and a really big goat. Why would I be afraid?!?!?

Common sense tells you that my legitimate phobia is 100% due to Post Traumatic Stress from my teenage cancer experience (being in the hospital for a month, the fear of the unknown, stuff inadvertently happening in the middle of the night out of your control, being poked, prodded, blood drawn, etc. ). Irrational sense tells you that my legitimate phobia is 100% due to ridiculous things that have a slim to no chance of really happening…

The below are things I am fully expecting to occur while my husband is away…

Home Invasion, if it can happen to an 8 year old kid, it could happen to me:

Serial Killer – Yup – we got one on the loose. I feel a little safer since I stopped my Craigslist Side Work, though my husband misses the extra income:

Alien Abduction – Not the ET Kind. I watch too much History Channel with the guy with the bizarre hair:

Bigfoot: Not the Harry and the Hendersons Kind….

And of course, the “Freaky Demon Guy from The Exorcist”. If I wake up and see him in the corner of the room, someone please call a priest:

 

So I have 2 more nights of being petrified before my husband comes home…..pray for me…

Slap Happy Exhaustion Friday

I have reached “That Point”….not the point of complete exhaustion like last week as a result of Santa’s Reign of Terror where I actually fell asleep in the bathroom waiting for the hot water to kick on and thankfully, dear child was watching a show so all was fine and no need for CPS involvement….but just at that point of where stupid things make you laugh till you cry…..Sure, I will read this tomorrow when I will hopefully be well rested with no interruptions the nigh before and think “I thought this was funny”?

So here is a quick list and links of things that I find hysterical right now…

This Twitter Feed:

https://twitter.com/#!/TNG_S8

Every time I look at that pic of Picard I cant stop laughing.

Best Line: Riker Fights a Bear…

Ed the Goat needs help from his friend Bob:

Anderson Cooper Looses it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrwf9gSLcNM

Lack of composure begins at about 2:20

Click the link – it wont embed

Stephen Colbert and Suq Madiq

http://www.vidaddict.com/steven-colbert-cant-help-but-break-character/

Yup, he went there – Click the Link

Steve Carell “Not My Parrot”

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-september-20-2000/not-my-parrot

Click the Link

My bird stayed with my parents while we were having renovations done on my house, and she came home saying “Asshole”….{{putting a dollar in the therapy jar}}

And just a classic slap happy moment…

Kim Jong the Second

OK, I have to put  a bit of seriousness into Honey Badger blog today, as I believe current events warrant it. So, our son was adopted from South Korea and he will be home 5 years come February 14, 2012. South Korean adoption, specifically to overseas countries, occurs primarily because the concept and implementation of Domestic Adoption is a cultural taboo, for lack of a better phrase. Single mothers are often stigmatized, kicked out of their families, treated like crap, etc if they chose to raise their child by themselves. The children of these moms are basically on the bottom rung of a social ladder and do not have opportunities for education, work, marriage, etc. This is a very unusual frame of mind for a very highly developed nation. A frame of mind people would associate with NORTH Korea.

But here is the kicker. This mind set is culturally and socially based. It is based on Confucian beliefs that have been a foundation of social norms for generations. In Confucian belief, and I will paraphrase,  there is much emphasis on the bloodlines of the males in the family. A child who is born out of wedlock has no father, according to belief, because he was not married to the woman. With no father, your bloodline is essentially cut. A woman will not want to marry a man with no bloodline. A man with no bloodline cannot get a fine education, which results in the inability to find a good job…so unfortunately, a boy’s whole future is predetermined before he is even out of the womb.

This belief stretches into domestic adoption. Couples cannot add a non blood related child to their family registry. So as a result, baby boys wont be adopted. Girls though, they DO get adopted domestically. It doesnt matter who their father is, who they marry is what is important.

This is why boys are so readily available to be adopted, and they are often adopted to overseas countries.

I have no fault with this. It is cultural. It is belief. I get it. I’m actually VERY happy to see this changing though. MUCH emphasis has been placed on providing single mother’s help in raising their own children, incentives for couples to adopt domestically have been put in place, and change IS happening. It is slow, but it is happening.

Now, NORTH Korea. Kim Jong Il – the once living caricature of what one would think an out of his mind dictator would look like – he’s dead. The public mourning, the wailing, the sobbing……oh the travesty of it all….the real travesty is the suffering of those people. If there is any group of individuals who need help, its those people, especially the orphaned children. I remember watching a documentary where someone was able to get into North Korea and they documented the plight of these people, especially the children. Orphaned children living on the streets and treated like vermin. Kids whose parents were killed by the government for whatever right free countries often take for granted. Kids whose parents just plain died due to starvation. To kick the people even more in the shins, video footage of troops and higher ups taking foreign aid supplies such as FOOD and WATER for themselves.

So now the heir of the “Great Leader” – Kim Jong Un – he looks like he has never missed a meal in his life.

So what will become of this hermit nation. The possibility for a dramatic change is now in the hands of Pillsbury Dough Boy. Will he do anything? Will he continue in the  pattern he has only known? I sure hope so. As South Korean adoption is beginning to fade, efforts could be turned to the North.

Efforts have started slowly. My adoption agency whom our son was adopted through, has a small effort in place in North Korea where aid to the people is reaching the people. Its very quiet, its very “non confrontational”, its very benign. Of course they want to do more, but they don’t want to rock the boat. Its a VERY fine line the agency walks. If you would like to read more or donate, here is the website: http://www.holtinternational.org/

If you look at their page, there isnt much about North Korea and the work done there. Again, its very hush hush, but they do.

A petition was also circulated recently as well to help North Korean orphans who are currently living in China and surrounding nations. They got out. Not sure how they got out, but they did. Now they are stuck in a bureaucratic nightmare. The petition asks the Secretary of State to create a provision that would allow North Korean children who are stuck in limbo to be adopted by Americans. Here is the link (the signing period has closed) http://www.change.org/petitions/north-korean-refugee-adoption-act-2010. I hope it passes as there are THOUSANDS of families who would immediately step to the plate to help.

Hopefully these kids will be able to find homes, and hopefully FAT BOY will open his country up to aid and the rest of the kids can find homes and Hermit Nation can come out of the dark. Only time will tell….

Oh, yeah, so there is no snark or humor in this post….this is a serious one…..BUT…..The title of the post….”Kim Jong the Second”….yeah….so my local news station (News 12), run by fabulous Cablevision (sense the snark), tape their morning news segment and then replay the same one until a new one is recorded in the evening, then replayed, repeated, etc. Upon the learning of the death of the North Korean Dictator, the anchor, obviously misinterpreted “Dear Leader’s” name to be Kim Jong the Second, vs Kim Jong Il, as the Il could look like roman numerals for “two” or “the second”. So yes, all day, News 12 reported the death of Kim Jong the Second. So there is your snark and humor and head shaking for the day.

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