Dear Old Dog and New Dog
Dear New Dog:
I dont mind that you had to go out at 3:30 am. It is not uncommon for even myself to have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Please go out, do your business, then come back in. Please do not stalk the cat, raccoon, or alien that may have been skulking around the yard prior to your arrival. Please do not try and swim in the Koi Pond. Walking on it in its frozen state is also not a desirable action. Also, 3:30 am is not the proper time to socialize. Everyone in the backyard is sleeping too. No one wants to play. And please come back when I call you. The sight of my silhouette in the doorway, coupled with my calling of you, is an association to expect hay and grain shortly thereafter. The neighbors do not want to hear bleating and neighing at 3:30 am, nor do I want to go outside in the shorts and tee shirt I am currently wearing, nor do I want to put my sock-less feet into the ice cold muck boots outside the door.
Dear Old Dog: I dont mind that you had to go out at 3:45 am. It is not uncommon for even myself to have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. However, please do not alert me to your need to go out once I am back upstairs and comfortably positioned in the nice warm bed. You should know that getting into a comfortable position is essential to successful sleeping, and the acquisition of such position is a feat of properly placed pillows, proper length of sheet and blanket and comfortable distance from human and dog co inhabiting the bed with me. And if you do need to let me know you have to go out, do not do so by laying sprawled out on said bed and continually whining and sighing. This is akin to sitting on the couch on a Sunday watching football and exclaiming “Oh MAN, I have to pee SO BAD, but I am just too lazy to get up”. This is not acceptable at 3:45 am.
Dear Five Year Old Child: Please work on your time telling skill set. Dogs running up and down the stairs at 3:30 to 3:45 am does not equate official waking hours. Please notice that it is still dark. Please notice there are no birds chirping. Please notice everyone going to back sleep.
Thank you,
The Management
Honey Badger Just Dont Care 
Stop blogging and go to sleep! I’m tired just reading about your farmer’s hours! 🙂
I so totally want to, but I am sitting here waiting for a delivery of gravel to come! Supposed to have been here this morning….oh, and Im working….that gets in the way too – LOLOL